Life

I'm officially moved, all I have left is unpacking and hopefully getting a computer desk. It's been wonderful these past few days living on my own and aaralynn loves it. I haven't been there long enough to actually unpack between school and work. Tomorrow was going to be when I finished everything because I don't have school and I requested off work. But somehow I ended up working 10 am-2 pm  and 8-12:30 pm. Oh well, I guess I could really use the hours. Although it would be nice to just have one day off from everything. Maybe if I can unpack and get settled between everything else going on then I can take a whole day off to do nothing because I'll have everything done, probably that would be a better day off. I always pictured once I was on my own I could have my friends over to spend the night and not worry about them feeling uncomfortable around my parents or anything else, it would just be us hanging out. Or even having a boyfriend stay with me, I figure if I'm on my own I'm old enough and mature enough to have my boyfriend stay with me occassionally, not even live with me just come and stay once in a while. But now that I am on my own then only actual friend I have is Erica, who has been my friend since 6th grade but we barely talk and she is always with her boyfriend so she never comes over and we never hang out. My boyfriend seems to think he can't even come over to my house during the day, much less stay the night. He is all about being around other people so we aren't by ourselves and aren't put in any situation that might become sexual. Which is fine if he wants to wait until he is married to have sex but if he wants to wait then he should still be able to come over and be confident that nothing will happen and it wouldn't be such a problem. But I have recently had a talk about the difference between us with jocelyn, who runs the daycare aaralynn goes to. She said the reason why we have completely different views is that he was parented and I was not. His parents have always been there to guide him and help him, they want to know where he is, who he is with, and what he is doing. So he relies on them alot and won't do anything they wouldn't like. With me, I always left whenever and didn't tell my dad and one time that I did tell him he was just sort of like umm okaaayyy, why are you telling me? I wish I would have been parented, but who knows how my life would have turned out. I think everything happens for a reason. I'm glad I am with tyler because he helps me make better decisions since he was raised with caring parents.The bad thing is that now we don't talk very much but there has been alot that I have thought about and discovered that I would like to sit down with him for hours and have a good conversation with him so we can understand each other better but who knows when that will happen....

Messes

I don't understand how people could ever be angry with a child for making a mess. It happens quite frequently, parents are angry with their children and yell at them and make them clean their messes up. Yes, children need to learn when they make a mess you can't just leave it. But everyone makes messes, so there is no need for anger. If aaralynn makes a mess I tell her its okay and I will help you clean it up. I make her clean it so she learns the responsibility but I also tell her that I am just helping her so she understands it is her responsibility. I think that has been effective because when she does make a mess she says oops and starts trying to clean it. My little brother on the other hand makes a mess and gets yelled at until he cleans it up himself so i was watching him yesterday morning, he spilled his cereal and I asked him to clean it up and he yelled at me and told me no then ran in the other room and started playing. Aaralynn walks in there and tells him lets clean up the cereal buddy, I help you. That was pretty cute but he still refused because he hasn't been taught any better. Getting angry does not help! I make messes alot so I could never get mad at a child for making messes. Two examples: when I closed last night I left the water running in the sink which overflowed and it took me about ten minutes to mop it all up, then i was trying to carry waaayy too many things in the walk-in at once which is a disaster for me especially and i got the door open but the mustard bottle started to drop and instead of letting it hit the floor i tried stopping it and got mustard all over my shirt and the floor.

Moving Out

This is sort of long, i just wanted to rant and now i feel better :)

Yay, i went and payed the deposit for my utilities today and they will be on tomorrow, i just have to fax this paper to the gas company and i'm good to go. I actually have a day off work tomorrow so i'm taking full advantage of that and will have everything moved by tomorrow night, i can't wait!
I figured once i started school that maybe things would be a little better around this house but of course not. Basically i have 7 classes i go to, work about 37 hours a week, and take care of my daughter with no help except from jocelyn who watches aaralynn while i'm at school and work (she is fantastic) and yet other than wednesday mornings when my class starts at 8 i wake up with my little brother who is three and take care of him and my daughter until i leave for class. Then for the little amount of time that i am home all my stepmom does is complain about how she works 40 hours a week and she is so tired and nobody helps her, why she says that i have no idea because my dad leaves for work at 6:30 and comes home around 5 monday through friday and is with her son ALL of the time other than his work and its not even his kid! He signed the birth certificate because he is a loving and caring person and my stepmom just wants to be an ungrateful b word and complain about anything she can. She doesn't even pay the bills and my dad pays for her 19 year old daughters phone and car but if he says anything to her, even if he isn't yelling, that isn't nice the stepmom goes crazy. If i had someone willing to help me out with my daughter and be a father figure to her i would not complain about anything because he didn't have to. Today...i get home from class and as soon as i walk in the door she is screaming about having to do dishes because my dad didn't do them, she hasn't been to work in a week because she is on vacation and my dad took her to texas on a plane and to two concerts, he was sitting there playing with my little brother so who knows why she was screaming. Anyways she started slamming stuff around and breydon (little brother) tells her to stop slamming stuff and she says well breydon get used to it because thats how its going to be. Then starts telling him because your dad thinks that i'm just an effing b, except she used the actual words, to a three year old! She does it all the time, even to him like i'm gonna beat your a word. I can't understand how any person, especially one who is 38 can look a little kid in the face and cuss at them. All i have to say to that is she is the one who has raised him and he looks up to her, the way he acts is not his fault. I admit i get very angry with him because he is a brat but i know it isn't his fault and so i try to tell him what he should do and what would be nice but nobody else bothers doing that and now i'm leaving so he has no structure whatsoever. That is the only reason why i would hold back on moving but i can't let aaralynn live in this type of environment and he isn't my responsibility so there is nothing i can do. It makes me sad but hopefully one day when he grows up he will learn differently.