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So I think that some people need to really get a clue. First of all, don't treat me like I'm a child and don't know what to do with life, I've been through enough experiences and I do enough for myself and my child I don't need someone else telling me stupid things like make sure I go to the pharmacy and get medicine for myself. I'm fine, it's my body and I have been in it for 18 years, I know when I need medicine and when I don't. Secondly, if you are confronted about starting stuff and the person says oh well I just won't talk to Brittany anymore, then why do you still talk to me and still try to start stuff and continue to bother me, even when I'm rude, I tell this person not to talk to me, and I don't reply to the messages until about the 5th one when you really are starting to annoy me. Thirdly, don't try to act like someone your not. My dad sits there and says that he can't watch Aaralynn on sunday because he has "opportunities" and can I get someone to watch his "wonderful granddaughter" for him. Ugh! That irritates me because his opportunity was to go to the colts game which he went to last week (yet he doesn't have money) not only that but he has her one day I week because Jocelyn is closed and before I moved he never really bothered with Aaralynn unless we were out in public. She even reached up for him and said she wanted him one time but since he was talking to Sharon he told her to go play. Yeah, wonderful grandpa/dad. At Aaralynn's birthday party he was going around saying how wonderful we are and he's so proud of me and bragging and acting like he is the best dad. The only thing he helped me with was moving my bed and Aaralynn's bed and dresser to my house, then gave me his old washer because mine broke. I barely ever talk to him, when I lived with him he didn't care to meet Tyler, knowing we were dating and Aaralynn and I were with him often. The one time I told him what I was doing he just said well why are you telling me. umm okay, obviously you don't care. Of course he has to put on a show in front of other people to make it look like he is the greatest dad around. Well whatever, he used to be until he got with Sharon. He is the one that changed and if he can't accept the fact that he sucks as a father now and can't own up to it then maybe he shouldn't have changed. Oh, not to mention the first time he went to the colts game he was supposed to take Aaralynn to my aunt Sherri before he left and we all agreed on that. But then he leaves her at the house with my sister not texting me or calling my aunt Sherri. I absolutely freaked out after my aunt Sherri said she hadn't heard from my dad at all. Then he says its because he got busy and forgot. All he was doing was going to a freaking game! How busy can you get, my sister was already there, he didn't have to do anything with Aaralynn. I need to know where my kid is, that's not something a babysitter should do. So this sunday Tyler's mom ended up watching Aaralynn for me (she is so sweet). Lastly, if I say that I don't particularly like someone and all I want is for you not to talk about them around me because maybe it happens to annoy me. Why would you ask if I want to go to their church and see how wonderful they are? I don't care if they are wonderful, I don't care to go to their church, I don't care to talk to them, I don't care to hear about them, hence me saying don't talk about them around me. Are you retarded or what?
Well that's basically all I have to say. I can't wait until break! Finals time is waaaaaay too stressful, I keep forgetting everything and I feel I don't have enough time :/

Choices

My district manager wants me to transfer to the nichol avenue store for a raise, I'm not sure how much. I have to call her after two today and speak with her about it. Well the nichol avenue store has been robbed about five times in the past year or so and all around that neighborhood there are reported crimes. They only want me to stay there for a month and I can keep my raise even when I go back to my store but I'm not sure if it's worth it. Jocelyn says that I shouldn't do it because if anything happens to me then what would happen to Aaralynn, she doesn't have a  dad and she might even end up in foster care. But my promotion is also on the line, if I don't go then the district manager will think I'm not that commited to my job and she won't promote me to shift supervisor. It's just a tough decision to make, I have worked at that store before and I don't think it's that bad but everyone else says they see in the news everyday about a crime around there. Who knows, maybe we can come to a compromise, hopefully things work out!

Sick

Ugh! My throat is sore and I keep coughing. Last night I had to work with my voice scratchy going in and out. Which wasn't a big deal because I was on front and I don't have to talk a whole lot. But my manager didn't schedule anyone to close last night so I had to close front then close carry out because she doesn't have enough closers. That completely sucked because we are always busy on thursdays and there is a lot to do with closing. But aside from that I had to go on carry out register. Trying to talk to people through a speaker sucks. Especially when they ask you questions and can clearly hear that I'm sick. Everytime I tried to say fries it only came out halfway because my voice would squeak then go out. Of course my manager thought that was pretty funny and wouldn't talk to the customer for me because he is mean. But today my voice isn't cracking as much but I can't really talk and it sucks. Tyler keeps telling me to go get medicine but until after school today I just didn't have time so after my last class I'm off to get yucky medicine that I hate so much :/ hopefully I will feel better though.

Also, I wanted to talk about the multi genre essay. I decided on a topic and started it and I really like the openness of it. It doesn't necessarily have to flow and it can be written in so many different ways which keeps it from being boring. Of course, it's gonna take a while to do which is not fantastic but at least when I do it I won't dread it.

November 21st

This would be miss Aaralynn's birth date. I'm very excited that she is getting so big and very smart, she is a wonderful little girl. The theme of her birthday party is going to be Alice in Wonderland. I ordered her a dress and Ellen will be taking her pictures. Ellen is Jocelyn's daughter, Jocelyn runs the daycare Aaralynn goes to. Ellen has a very big tea cup that is light blue and white like Aaralynn's dress so the pictures are going to be adorable!! We are planning on getting the pictures taken tomorrow morning. Hopefully I can put a couple on here soon. Dena (my cousin who is constantly at the daycare because other than work she has no life) wants the decorations to be black and red. I told her that is leaning more towards Queen of Hearts and not Alice which is basically the theme. Well, I'm off to make the guest list!!

Halloween :)

I'm pretty excited for Halloween this year. I have to work 10:15-4 and we get to dress up at work. Then I get to go home and get Aaralynn ready in her bumblebee costume. I'm going as Alice in Wonderland and Tyler is going as a zombie soldier. Tyler and I decided that Aaralynn would be a bumblebee but we didn't tell her, we just went to the costume store together. When we got there Aaralynn was just walking around touching everything then she grabbed the bumblebee costume and said she wanted that one. It was pretty funny and I'm glad she liked it. We got to the bags for the candy and Aaralynn picked out a Cinderella bag. Tyler told her she can't tear it up because she needs it for Halloween. So after we got home she said "Tyler said I can't tear it up Mommy." I told her she can't because on Halloween we get to go trick or treating and she is going to get candy in that bag. She said "Oh, this is my candy bag?" So everyday she asks when she gets to be a bumblebee and use her candy bag to get candy. We have been counting down the days. Tyler's parents got her a pumpkin and Tyler asked her what shapes she wanted for the eyes, nose, and mouth. He let her help him draw on the pumpkin then he carved it for her. When she was scooping out all the stuff inside she kept trying to use the little plastic shovel saying it was her shovel, she got frustrated with it, reached inside and grabbed a big handful, then she put in on the shovel to put in the bowl. After a few times Tyler told her to just put it in the bowl from her hand, that she didn't need the shovel. When they were done Tyler's sister Macheala pointed out that the stem on her pumpkin looked like a ponytail and she tied a bow on it. This is the first year that Aaralynn actually gets to go trick or treating so it will be a fun experience and I know she is going to love it, especially the candy. But she might get mad when I limit her so she doesn't get a tummy ache or anything. But then again when I tell her she might just say "Oh." She tends to do that a lot. At least she listens well ha ha.

Research Process

The group I'm in is with Zach, Alyson, and Mink Yung. As of right now we were able to decide that we want to do this paper on College Degrees vs. The Economy. We just got in our groups about two hours ago so other than that not much has been accomplished. Hopefully we can all find time to meet up outside of class to work on this together.

Work

Basically work is super frustrating right now. Well I have to work because I have to pay for gas between muncie and anderson, daycare, and work. Plus I have to pay for daycare, bills, food, other miscellaneous things such as my stupid car which I have overall payed $600 to get fixed and I believe I still have another $140 in things that still need fixed. My dad said he would help me with gas money as soon as I started school, my mom said she will help me with anything I needed help with like gas, food, clothes, or bills as soon as I moved out. I have yet to see any money from either parents. Which is fine because the main reason I moved out is that I know I need to rely on myself, I have for many years now. Anyways, back to the work, I'm supposed to get 38 hours a week and my manager keeps scheduling me 31 a week. That means 14 hours off of a check that I'm not getting and it really sucks. So I told her that on Tuesdays and Thursdays instead of 7 or 8 to closes I can work 4 to closes. I told her this as she was starting on the schedule and she said okay. Well she goes ahead and schedules me 8 to close tuesday and 7 to close thursday. So I'm pretty ticked off at this point but oh well maybe she will change it next week. Well yesterday when I was supposed to work the 8 to close I was going to pick up Aaralynn and spend a few hours with her and try to get a working washer in my house (another expense). Tyler ended up texting me saying that our manager just put up a sign saying we start closing at 11 during the week. I was like I sure hope we start that next week, nope it was this week. So I called my manager and said there is no way that you are scheduling me for 31 hours then I have to lose 4 hours on top of that. I told her I'm scheduled those four hours and I will get paid for those hours. Well she decides to tell me well it isn't my fault because we just found out yesterday, oh it kind of is my fault. I'm like you think so! She never wants to take blame for her actions and it makes me mad. So after I'm walking out the door with Aaralynn she decides to tell me to come in to work 4-8 because some girl didn't show up for her shift. So I'm torn with going to work or spending time with Aaralynn. I mean it's a no brainer that I want to be with Aaralynn but I also don't have a whole lot of money and with losing hours I had to make sure I could get more hours. So I decided to talk to Aaralynn and she really didn't want me to go to work but she was okay with it. The lady that runs the daycare told me today that I shouldn't have went. I'm thinking well how do you figure that I'm losing that many hours plus I have all these finances and I payed her like an extra hundred dollars just so she had enough money to pay her house payment and not have negative in the bank but I shouldn't have went into work. This was after she told me how good and happy and playful Aaralynn was. I just don't understand because of course it was hard for me but I still have to provide for Aaralynn and make sure she is in a safe environment with everything she needs plus put myself through school so I can get a good job making decent money, at least so we can live comfortably and not paycheck to paycheck the rest of her life. Anyways, today is going to be terrible because this morning the two people running the store will be the district manager and a shift supervisor who are both very mean and just annoying so things will be chaotic all day, I get there at four which is when they are supposed to leave so it will be chaos walking in there. Then at four when I get there our general manager (the one that does the scheduling and such) and a shift supervisor who is pregnant and lazy will be running the store for the rest of the night. So all night it will be chaotic. Not only that but closing an hour early will give me an hour less to do things I have to do like sandwich station, shake station, salads, dishes, and cleaning. It's going to be a mess and I'm certainly not looking forward to it. Well I'm off to study, class, then work. Can't wait to spend the morning with Aaralynn tomorrow!

Aaralynn is pretty funny

I was trying to get all of the dishes out of boxes and washed. So I put a movie in for Aaralynn and turned some music on in the kitchen for me. Aaralynn comes in the kitchen to talk to me and I had a spice girls on so I'm singing and we are dancing and Aaralynn says "I like this song Mommy" She decided to stay in the kitchen with me and I got to the pots and pans. They were wrapped in plastic that I couldn't get off so I took a knife and started stabbing it so that way I could get it off. Well she looks at me and says "Why are you killing that mommy?" I'm thinking what in the world, how does she even know what that is! I asked her where she heard that from and she says "Tyler", which is my boyfriend. Of course I called him and asked him about it and he just starts laughing saying he never taught her anything like that and says it must be from the hunting shows. Sometimes Tyler and his family will watch Aaralynn for me when I go to work, Tyler and his dad tend to watch hunting shows and Aaralynn just loves them. She went out and used the old bow that Tyler's dad made for him when he was young and a really dull arrow to shoot the fake deer, Tyler's dad helped her. It's just wonderful to know that she loves hunting. But I've always wanted to go hunting too, so maybe we could go together when she gets older :)

Life

I'm officially moved, all I have left is unpacking and hopefully getting a computer desk. It's been wonderful these past few days living on my own and aaralynn loves it. I haven't been there long enough to actually unpack between school and work. Tomorrow was going to be when I finished everything because I don't have school and I requested off work. But somehow I ended up working 10 am-2 pm  and 8-12:30 pm. Oh well, I guess I could really use the hours. Although it would be nice to just have one day off from everything. Maybe if I can unpack and get settled between everything else going on then I can take a whole day off to do nothing because I'll have everything done, probably that would be a better day off. I always pictured once I was on my own I could have my friends over to spend the night and not worry about them feeling uncomfortable around my parents or anything else, it would just be us hanging out. Or even having a boyfriend stay with me, I figure if I'm on my own I'm old enough and mature enough to have my boyfriend stay with me occassionally, not even live with me just come and stay once in a while. But now that I am on my own then only actual friend I have is Erica, who has been my friend since 6th grade but we barely talk and she is always with her boyfriend so she never comes over and we never hang out. My boyfriend seems to think he can't even come over to my house during the day, much less stay the night. He is all about being around other people so we aren't by ourselves and aren't put in any situation that might become sexual. Which is fine if he wants to wait until he is married to have sex but if he wants to wait then he should still be able to come over and be confident that nothing will happen and it wouldn't be such a problem. But I have recently had a talk about the difference between us with jocelyn, who runs the daycare aaralynn goes to. She said the reason why we have completely different views is that he was parented and I was not. His parents have always been there to guide him and help him, they want to know where he is, who he is with, and what he is doing. So he relies on them alot and won't do anything they wouldn't like. With me, I always left whenever and didn't tell my dad and one time that I did tell him he was just sort of like umm okaaayyy, why are you telling me? I wish I would have been parented, but who knows how my life would have turned out. I think everything happens for a reason. I'm glad I am with tyler because he helps me make better decisions since he was raised with caring parents.The bad thing is that now we don't talk very much but there has been alot that I have thought about and discovered that I would like to sit down with him for hours and have a good conversation with him so we can understand each other better but who knows when that will happen....

Messes

I don't understand how people could ever be angry with a child for making a mess. It happens quite frequently, parents are angry with their children and yell at them and make them clean their messes up. Yes, children need to learn when they make a mess you can't just leave it. But everyone makes messes, so there is no need for anger. If aaralynn makes a mess I tell her its okay and I will help you clean it up. I make her clean it so she learns the responsibility but I also tell her that I am just helping her so she understands it is her responsibility. I think that has been effective because when she does make a mess she says oops and starts trying to clean it. My little brother on the other hand makes a mess and gets yelled at until he cleans it up himself so i was watching him yesterday morning, he spilled his cereal and I asked him to clean it up and he yelled at me and told me no then ran in the other room and started playing. Aaralynn walks in there and tells him lets clean up the cereal buddy, I help you. That was pretty cute but he still refused because he hasn't been taught any better. Getting angry does not help! I make messes alot so I could never get mad at a child for making messes. Two examples: when I closed last night I left the water running in the sink which overflowed and it took me about ten minutes to mop it all up, then i was trying to carry waaayy too many things in the walk-in at once which is a disaster for me especially and i got the door open but the mustard bottle started to drop and instead of letting it hit the floor i tried stopping it and got mustard all over my shirt and the floor.

Moving Out

This is sort of long, i just wanted to rant and now i feel better :)

Yay, i went and payed the deposit for my utilities today and they will be on tomorrow, i just have to fax this paper to the gas company and i'm good to go. I actually have a day off work tomorrow so i'm taking full advantage of that and will have everything moved by tomorrow night, i can't wait!
I figured once i started school that maybe things would be a little better around this house but of course not. Basically i have 7 classes i go to, work about 37 hours a week, and take care of my daughter with no help except from jocelyn who watches aaralynn while i'm at school and work (she is fantastic) and yet other than wednesday mornings when my class starts at 8 i wake up with my little brother who is three and take care of him and my daughter until i leave for class. Then for the little amount of time that i am home all my stepmom does is complain about how she works 40 hours a week and she is so tired and nobody helps her, why she says that i have no idea because my dad leaves for work at 6:30 and comes home around 5 monday through friday and is with her son ALL of the time other than his work and its not even his kid! He signed the birth certificate because he is a loving and caring person and my stepmom just wants to be an ungrateful b word and complain about anything she can. She doesn't even pay the bills and my dad pays for her 19 year old daughters phone and car but if he says anything to her, even if he isn't yelling, that isn't nice the stepmom goes crazy. If i had someone willing to help me out with my daughter and be a father figure to her i would not complain about anything because he didn't have to. Today...i get home from class and as soon as i walk in the door she is screaming about having to do dishes because my dad didn't do them, she hasn't been to work in a week because she is on vacation and my dad took her to texas on a plane and to two concerts, he was sitting there playing with my little brother so who knows why she was screaming. Anyways she started slamming stuff around and breydon (little brother) tells her to stop slamming stuff and she says well breydon get used to it because thats how its going to be. Then starts telling him because your dad thinks that i'm just an effing b, except she used the actual words, to a three year old! She does it all the time, even to him like i'm gonna beat your a word. I can't understand how any person, especially one who is 38 can look a little kid in the face and cuss at them. All i have to say to that is she is the one who has raised him and he looks up to her, the way he acts is not his fault. I admit i get very angry with him because he is a brat but i know it isn't his fault and so i try to tell him what he should do and what would be nice but nobody else bothers doing that and now i'm leaving so he has no structure whatsoever. That is the only reason why i would hold back on moving but i can't let aaralynn live in this type of environment and he isn't my responsibility so there is nothing i can do. It makes me sad but hopefully one day when he grows up he will learn differently.